Too Fast

Life moves by so fast. This has become ever more apparent as I get older. Mr. Time is sneaky though. When we are young we live a structured lifestyle. As soon as we’re born we start a routine. We are fed at certain time, we nap at a certain time (well, I still kinda do that....). Pretty soon we are going to preschool and kindergarten at a certain time. Then it’s middle school and high school. Everything is so planned out, next comes college and then a “real job”. Sooner then we realize we are thrust into this crazy world. We are expected to date, find someone to marry, have said wedding, pop out a couple kids, put them on a routine, then retire. 

What we aren’t taught is that dating and marring and making babies is not routine, but our society has deemed it a normal part of life. When you start your life in such a structured manner, when is the right time to start the unstructured part?

This is where I get all flustered.  For all of those that really “know” me. You know what a crazy control freak I can be. I’m a list making,date planning, calendar writing, freak of nature! I like things clearly organized and tangible. I like looking at my calendar and seeing things planned out months in advance. I’m not saying this is a bad quality. It’s just becoming harder and harder to do as an adult. 

At 22 I was so eager to start my fairytale life that I overlooked a lot of things about my Prince Charming. After our Royal Divorce I felt like I had wasted a great deal of time. I jumped right back into dating, searching for someone to make up for that lost time. That was NOT the right move. While I did enjoy some of the dating, for the most part it left me feeling bitter, “WHY couldn’t I find the right one?!”

I’m 6 years older now. And I’m taking things much slower. While I’d like to live the picture perfect life like everyone else, it’s clear that I’m not ready for that again. I’m not comfortable moving too fast. I am enjoying time spend alone and with good friends. I like the excitement of dating. And while I do sometimes miss the comfort and normalcy of a steady exclusive relationship, it also makes me a bit anxious. I’m not ready to give up my single apartment or spend 5 out of 7 days with a guy. I like the anticipation and excitement of getting ready for a date. I like missing someone.  And while I hope that eventually one of these lucky gentlemen I have been “dating” moves into relationship status, I’m not stressing about it. I’m keeping my sights focused on next week, not the next five years.

I will know when it’s the right time for me to move into the next stage of my life, when I’m comfortable. Not when I read it in a magazine or see it on TV or hear it from my family. I’m getting out of my own head and listening to my heart. Wish me luck!