Inspiring Me Now

  • "The Purpose of Life is to Be Happy" Dalai Lama

June 3, 2011


Her name is Lux, but I call her Luxie or Luxie Lou, or Lou. Sometimes, after she’s eaten a throw pillow, she’s just known as Satan. She is my loud, rambunctious, sometimes stinky, very un-lady like dog. She was born in the pound – a true little pound puppy. She was the only female in her litter of 11. When I saw her adorable wrinkly face 6 years ago, I fell in love. I had to have her. I paid for her and put her in the front of my brand new jeep. She looked over at me with her huge puppy eyes, happy to have a home I assumed; she then proceeded pee all over my seat. That should have been a warning. 

Lux is ½ Rhodesian Ridgeback and ½ Pit, so going in I knew I’d have a “chewer” on my hands. I didn’t foresee just all the chewing she would do. Before her 1st birthday she had eaten several pairs of shoes (one set I am still mourning),  the carpet in my rented apartment, a newly upholstered love seat, a chunk of drywall in my bedroom and various rocks and sticks. I was married at this point in my life and each time Lux would ingest something foreign (her favorites were rocks) my husband and I would rush to the vet! We spent a small fortune on antibiotics, hoping she wouldn’t get sick! Each time the (insert foreign object here) would pass and she would go back to her happy little self.

We enrolled her in obedience class. She was a brilliant little puppy! She learned fast and responded well to direction.  My husband, Matt, was the ‘handler’ when it came to the classes. She responded better to a male figure – so essentially she became his dog. She looked at him with her sad puppy eyes and he would melt all over her. They went for 5 mile runs together; he even napped on the floor with her. I loved her, but I wasn’t IN love with her like he was. 

Then Matt left us. He took his stereo, his clothes, his friends…but not his dog. Lux and I watched the man of our dreams walk out the front door. It was at this point I realized I wasn’t the only one in love with him. Lux would whine, wait by the door at night, and sniff his side of the bed. I started to resent her. I was still there! I didn’t walk away! I was the one who fed her and took her out! She should love me! What I wasn’t understanding was that the hostility I had towards my dog was the hostility I couldn’t express to my future ex-husband. 

I think we finally reached a point where we realized just how much we needed each other. Luxie didn’t care who loved her, she just wanted to be loved. And I was feeling the same way. So began the new chapter in our lives.

It’s been 4 years since Matt left, and I just recently started to realize how big a chunk of my heart this dog has.  She has been the one consistent thing in my life for the past 6 years. She has been with me through 4 moves, an MS diagnosis, 3 serious relationships, camping trips and slumber parties. She’s my road trip buddy up to Duluth. She’s my security guard on neighborhood walks. She always greets me with a happy face at the door! When I’m sad she puts her head on my knee and looks at me as if to say “It’s gonna be ok mom, we’ll get through this.” 

When my ex-husband closed the front door on me and Lux, we opened a new one. It hasn’t been the easiest or happiest of lives, and there have been days when I don’t even want to get out of bed. But I do…for Luxie.  She has never let me down and I owe her the same. I’m in love with this dog, and I feel like the two of us can get through anything together!

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