Inspiring Me Now

  • "The Purpose of Life is to Be Happy" Dalai Lama

October 27, 2010

Fear of Flying or Fear of Falling?

I’m pessimistically hopeful that I’m dating again… I’ve been actively NOT seeing anyone purposely for quite some time now. I had so many terrible dates over the summer, that I had sort of lost hope of meeting someone normal. 

There was Clingy guy, who told me he loved me after 5 dates, then asked me to meet his children.  NEXT! There was Pilot Guy, who told me that he was looking for a girlfriend, but only called me drunk from the bars at 3am. NEXT! There was Wild guy who had such a bad case of ADD it was impossible to carry on a normal conversation. NEXT! Then there was Uptown guy who took me out then asked if I wanted to go to the Monster Truck Rally for our next date. NEXT!

Now along comes Mr. Too Good To Be True. I’ve dated his type before: tall, impossibly good-looking, full of compliments, slightly cocky, intelligent. I’m instantly attracted. We talk, we laugh, we kiss outside in the pouring rain. I’m suddenly in the middle of my own sappy country love song. 

But I’m pausing. I’m nervous. I’ve had my guard up for so long now, that I’m confusing myself. I’m putting suspicions into my own head. Mr. T.G.T.B.T. has done nothing (yet) to make me think he’s anything like the same kind of men I’m weary of. So am I hesitant to be in a relationship again? Or am I scared to have my heart broken? 

Rational me says you won’t get anywhere in life without taking risks, putting yourself out there. Sometimes you just have to jump feet first. Illogical me says if I don’t put myself out there, I’m safe. Safe in my cute little apartment with my big dog, no one to fight with over the covers, no one to have to share the remote with, no one to cook for. But, there’s also no one to cuddle up to when it’s chilly out, no one to laugh with during Seinfeld episodes, no one to bake cookies for. And rational or irrational, I miss those things.
Maybe instead of jumping right in, I can sort of hop. It seems less radical, more practical, definitely more me.

So I’m hopping into dating.

…now to see where I land.

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