Don't quote me on this...

Hi. My name is Jacqueline and I’m a quoteaholic. I can’t seem to get enough. I search them out on the Internet. I have them all over my desk at work, and… even in my bathroom at home!

I don’t know if it’s my love for the written word, or the fact that someone out there verbalized exactly what I couldn’t. Maybe it’s the fact that seeing a great quote lets me know that other people have felt the same way, perhaps a sort of way of connecting to others.

It may seem odd to write a whole blog about a quote, but I came across one today that struck me as absolutely beautiful. It’s from the site HighExistence.com. Their site’s sort of Mission Statement, if you will, says “HighExistence is a community of conscious individuals centered around pondering, exploring & expanding this wondrous experience called life”. All I can say is that when I read their articles and posts, I feel energized. I feel like questioning my life and my choices. I feel these amazing vibes!

Today’s quote was this: Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer. (Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet).

Have you ever seen something or read something that made you go “DUH!” That’s exactly how I felt after reading that excerpt.  It was like I was literarily being smack upside my head. I’m sure, if you’ve read ANY of my blogs the last month,  you know I’ve been going through a super sucky, sad, angsty, heartbreaking (please insert other synonyms here) breakup. My first day at work AB (after breakup) I took down a picture I had of me and the bf (looking all adorable and happy, I might add) and replaced it with a 5x7 quote that said “If it’s meant to happen, it will” Every time I would lose focus or my mind would wander into that why-is-this-happening-to-me mode, I’d look at those words and slowly and calmly repeat them to myself.

The part of the breakup that was the most frustrating was the fact that it was hinged on a possibility of a scary/hard/uncertain future with me. I was so pissed that a decision could be made on something that may or may not ever happen. So, focusing on “if it’s meant to happen, it will” almost became a sort of meditation. I’d preposition it with a question. “What if I just lost the love of my life?!” answer – If it’s meant to happen, it will. “Will anyone ever want to be with me” answer – if it’s meant to happen, it will. “Am I really meant to marry and have lots and lots of babies with Aaron Rodgers?” – if it’s meant to happen, it will. My little mantra has gotten me through the last, wow, 3 weeks already! (funny how we conceive time, it feels like 3 months)

Anyway, back to today’s little HighExistence gem. “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart” how beautiful is that? It was perfectly wonderful that I should read that tonight. I was feeling anxious again (surprise, surprise, right??). I still haven’t been sleeping (last night was 3 ½ whole hours!) and my over-analytical brain will not shut up for two minutes! Reading this was like a little nudge from something reminding me, “Hey, patience lady! If it’s meant to happen, it will.” And just like that, I felt a little calmer (perhaps a bit sleepy??) I was able to see outside my dark little room and peek at the sunny skies of my future. I’m feeling peaceful and prophetic, almost like reading that was not a coincidence but a foretelling perhaps something fortuitous is about to happen! Either way, it lifted my spirits. It made me grateful for another day that I’ve been able to tell the people I love how I feel, another day that I’ve been able to play with my doggie, another day to listen to my favorite music, another day to snuggle with my piggies, and another day to look forward to what is meant to happen.